Sunday, 7 February 2016

BLOG (PERSONAL) -- Some of My Non-Negotiables

So... Happy early Lunar New Year! Haha, I often kept forgetting about Lunar New Year because this week I kept thinking, 'Hmmm... what chocolates should I make for Valentine's Day this year?'

As I've mentioned in past Valentine-themed blog entries, I follow the Japanese tradition of making chocolates for Valentine's Day. Even if I don't have anybody to give the chocolates to, I still make them. Often I try a new recipe, but this year I'm going with something I've made before.

Since Valentine's Day is next Sunday, I figured I'd make my Valentine-themed blog today. If anything, next week will be just me posting a pic of the chocolates and me saying "Happy Valentine's Day!".

Before I start, though, I kinda want to say something about the blog I wrote around Valentine's last year. Well... I always felt it was a very weak post -- mainly because I held back on my thoughts. Even now it bugs me which is why I'm clearing it up. In that post, when I started talking about my being Single and how I enjoyed it, I was going to start giving my reasons why and then I was hit with these thoughts:

'Why am I giving reasons for staying single? Why do I need to justify this state? Unless the relationship is abusive, couples don't need to give reasons for being in a relationship... so why do I have to? Why do I have to convince others that I'm okay with being single? Is staying single so unnatural?'

So I stopped writing about it and wrote about something else. Whenever I re-read that post, I think I came off as defensive (which, I guess from reading my thoughts, maybe I was), with how I abruptly changed topics. Okay -- with that off my chest, on to this year's blog.


Whelp, it is nearing Valentine's Day and again I am single. Whether or not I prefer it this time, it is hard to say. I used to be so adamant with being single because I had to get used to being in that state. Nowadays I guess if I like somebody, I'm open to being in a relationship (with the person I like only), and when I don't like anybody that way, I prefer being single. 

However... even if the other person felt the same way about me and we could start a relationship, there are some things where I feel if we do not agree on, the relationship would not work out in the end. I call these my "Non-Negotiables". No matter how much I may love the other person, if he wants something different from what I want and vice-versa at least for these things, then I think somebody would end up being unhappy and the relationship will end up falling apart. I can only imagine somebody in that kind of relationship would one day think, 'Why can't you want what I want?!!'

Maybe I am being harsh, but this is how I feel. It is okay if the person is indifferent, but if he one day really wants the opposite, then, well... it'd be over. Below are some of these "Non-Negotiables". While I think I am open to compromise with / discuss many things in a relationship, I just don't think these could be.

No Children
So I have many reasons for not wanting children, my main reasons being my lack of confidence in properly raising a child as well as my lack of confidence in this world (sorry for my pessimism). I am also very bad with children -- never knowing how to act around them.

I can't be with somebody who wants kids, because, well -- I just can't take that kind of life away from him. It's way too life-affecting and I kinda think everybody is entitled to at least a shot of a life with children or no children, depending on what they want.

I find it a little amusing that when I tell people that I don't want children, many respond with, "You're just not there yet." Hahaha, no... I don't think I will ever get there.

Area with a Good, Reliable Transit System
I think I am open to living most places, so long as I feel safe and the transit system is good and reliable. If I can live where most major places (library, mall, supermarket, etc.) are within walking distance, that'd be even better.

I just don't want to live anywhere where I'd have to rely on a car to get me places.

Ideally (although this is mostly wishful thinking), I'd like to live in Japan. The transit system is really good there, and I also like the idea of living so close to all the nerdy stuff I like (anime, video games, maid cafes, etc.)

Is Monogamous
Long ago, one of my friends told me this (rephrased 'cuz I don't exactly remember her wording): "With relationships, there are mainly two types of people: people who are monogamous, and people who are polygamous. Relationships do not work if one person is monogamous and the other is polygamous." When thinking about it, it makes a lot of sense.

With this, the other person has to feel the same way -- he can't feel indifferent about it.

For me, I can only like one person at a time. I would never be okay with being in a relationship where the other person is fine with being in multiple relationships. I would also not be okay with being in a relationship where the other person liked another person romantically. Even if it may be the most normal thing in the world, it just doesn't make sense to me. Exceptions are celebrities since I think those are more out of admiration / respect than romance.

That's it for this blog. Do you have any "Non-Negotiables" when it comes to relationships?

As a send off, below is a funny poem about Love from slam poet Taylor Mali.

"How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog" by Taylor Mali.
I think this poem is cute.

Thanks for reading and Happy early Lunar New Year! :)

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